


Crazy

by twdsunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 11:51:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdsunshine/pseuds/twdsunshine
Summary: Whenever the reader calls Negan out on his bullshit, it almost always leads to a fight.  And those fights always inevitably lead to something else, which she can’t quite wrap her head around.  After all, she hates him, doesn’t she?  He’s rude and arrogant and everything about him drives her completely crazy… Right?





	Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> This was an anonymous request on Tumblr that was sent in asking for a one-shot where Negan and the reader have a love-hate relationship. So, I thought I’d explore the development of that relationship through little snapshots, one fight at a time. I hope you like it, Anon, and thanks to all for reading!

The first time you fought with Negan, really fought, all pulsing veins and raised voices and completely forgetting the concept of personal space as you got up in each others’ faces, you’d thought he might forget himself and raise one of those balled fists and drive it into your stomach.  He’d been so tall, looming over you, but you’d refused to back down, tossing your head back so you could bite out the venom that rose in your throat as he tried and failed to put you in your place.  You’d been alone in his office, and the heat between you was such that a sheen of sweat coated your skin, and you found yourself filled with a frustration that refused to ebb away no matter how much you screamed and shouted.  Your own fingers had twitched once or twice, itching to lash out and wipe the arrogant smirk from his lips, but you’d known what the consequences of that might be, so you’d reined in your impulses and, instead, span on your heel, determined to remove yourself from the situation before it escalated any further.

Your departure had been halted by a strong arm locking around your waist and hauling you backwards, until you were pressed flush against Negan’s body, his breath hot on your neck as a growl rumbled from deep in his chest.  

‘You think you can just walk away from me, sweetheart?  You think you can get yourself out of this by flouncing out of here like a little brat?’  He laughed, the sound cold and humourless.  ‘I don’t fucking think so.  You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?’

You squirmed in his hold, uncomfortable, as his other hand snaked up to wrap around your throat, and you thought for a moment, as it flexed against the tendons in your neck, that maybe you really had gone too far, that maybe this was it and he was about to choke the life out of you, blocking off your airway until everything went black and you couldn’t be a pain in his ass anymore.  But no.  Your head was wrenched to the side and, before the gasp had even escaped your lips, his mouth was crashing down on yours, forceful and devastating, and you found yourself being flipped around and backed against the wall.  The impact drove the breath from your lungs and Negan swallowed it greedily, before pulling back with a devious smile on his face.

‘Thought that might shut you up.’

‘What the-  What was that?’  You could barely speak as you panted, your mind reeling as you struggled to understand how you’d gone from berating each other to… You really had no clue what.  ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’

‘You gonna tell me you don’t want this?’  His eyes narrowed as he studied your reactions, his grin only growing when you made no move to inch away.  ‘You gonna tell me you’re not all riled the fuck up right now?  That you don’t need a little release for all of that fucking tension you got building up inside?’

He’d been right.  Of course, he’d been right.  It was simmering deep in your belly, mixing with the heat that had pooled there as he’d kissed you, and you could feel it, building, fizzing up until you thought that you might explode.  But there was something about the cocky way that he held himself, his hands braced against the brickwork either side of your head, that only heightened your stubbornness, and you found yourself ducking beneath his arm to make your escape, instead of chasing the release that he knew you so badly needed.  

‘You’re fucking twisted, Negan.  Seriously, you think you’re gonna get to me like that, really?  Go screw yourself.’

The argument had come to an abrupt end when you’d stormed out of his office, and he’d let you go, though you’d found yourself replaying that kiss long into the night.

 

* * *

 

The second argument had begun when you’d stormed up to him at the end of a meeting and pointed a single finger into his chest, your voice a dangerous snarl.  ‘You can issue all the stupid orders you want, but I am not gonna take a team and lead them into that death trap.’

Negan eased himself out of his chair with a groan, the roll of his eyes only serving to further heighten your temper.  ‘You’ll do whatever the fuck I tell you to, doll, or you can go join the workers at the bottom of the fucking food chain.’

‘It’s surrounded by corpses, like ten deep!  It’s a suicide mission!’

‘Sweetheart, that warehouse is chock full of supplies that we need.  Someone’s gotta do it and it looks like you drew the short straw this time around.  You leave at sunrise.’

‘No!’

The table dug into the backs of your thighs as you took a step backward, Negan towering over you, fixing you with a glare that was as chock full of loathing as the intended hit was of weapons.  ‘What the fuck did you just say to me?’

You raised your chin, refusing to give in to his bullying.  ‘I said no.  I’m not doing it!’

Things had spun out of control from there, until you were barking at each other, trading insults back and forth, and it wasn’t until you noticed the sparkle in his eyes that you realised just how much he was enjoying the exchange.  

You recoiled in disgust.  ‘Are you-  You’re actually getting off on this, aren’t you?’

He quirked an eyebrow at you, sidling forward until he had you trapped against the table, and his hands fell to your hips, lifting you until you were sitting on the scarred wooden surface.  ‘I’m not gonna lie.  The sight of you all worked up and angry, it’s like I told you, princess… It drives me fucking crazy!’

‘But-’  He silenced your interruption with a long finger pressed to your lips.  

‘Do us both a favour and shut the fuck up for once, would you?’  He stooped until his mouth was hovering above yours.  You could smell the whiskey on his breath as the tension between you grew, and you found that, at some point, your fingers had moved, without any conscious thought, to fist the collar of his leather jacket.  His chocolate gaze was locked on your lips and you swallowed hard, remembering the heat that had seeped through your veins the last time he’d kissed you breathless.

‘I hate you, you know that, right?’ you’d told him, though your voice lacked the punch you’d intended, and the asshole had laughed at you.  He’d actually laughed.

The only way to shut him up had been to give his jacket one forceful tug so that you could capture his mouth and kiss away that smug smile, your hands slipping to card through his hair as he pulled you tight against him.  

Every ounce of anger that had been bubbling up inside of you poured out as you devoured him hungrily, taking everything that he had to give and returning it in kind, wishing that you could peel your clothes from your body when the heat increased to unbearable levels.

Too soon, a knock at the door had you springing apart, and you hurried to smooth down your hair and straighten your shirt as it swung open and Dwight’s face appeared, a look of realisation flashing over his features as he registered what he’d disturbed.  ‘Sorry, boss, you’re needed downstairs.’

Negan hadn’t bothered to look back as he strode from the room, and you’d swallowed down the disappointment that had lodged in your throat, forgetting it almost instantly for the sake of your own sanity.

 

* * *

 

The third argument had taken place in public, when you’d erupted at him as he’d supervised your guys unloading their haul from the supply run you’d just returned from.  It hadn’t been as smooth sailing as you would’ve liked, and your skin was coated with a grimy mixture of dust and the stale bloody gore left behind by several ravenous walkers.  So, when Negan stood there, contradicting your orders and scoffing at your meagre finds, it had gotten straight on your last nerve.  You’d rounded on him, eyes flashing.

‘Are you dealing with this or am I?’

‘I like to think it’s a fucking team effort, doll,’ he’d told you in his lazy drawl, and you’d sucked in an agitated breath.

‘Fine.  Well, I’ve done the hard part, so I’m sure you’ve got this from here.’  You turned your back on the team that were watching you with wide eyes and marched towards the factory door, slamming inside without hesitation.  

The waves of hostility that rolled off of you prevented anybody else from bothering you as you made your way to your room, and, when you kicked the door shut behind you, the reverberations vibrated through the floor.  You didn’t know what it was about that man - your leader, you reminded yourself, the big boss - but he infuriated you.  Nobody else had the ability to make your blood boil in your veins and your pulse pound in your ears as you fought to keep your temper, and yet, even as you tried to calm your breathing, regain control, your mind drifted to the feel of his hands on you the last time you’d clashed, and the taste of him on your tongue.  At least this time you’d managed to extricate yourself before it had come to that again, no matter that it left you with a slightly empty feeling in your chest.

The knock at the door had been both a total surprise and somehow completely expected, and when it flew open before you could even reach it, you found yourself gathered up in Negan’s arms, his mouth desperately seeking yours before you’d had a chance to tell him to leave.  His salt and pepper stubble scraped over your skin as he kissed you, thoroughly, urgently, and the sound of the door slamming shut again was enough to chase away the last of your inhibitions.  His hands were warm as they slid beneath your clothes, and his stare burned into you when he pulled back to read your reaction to his touch, his lips quirking in a satisfied smile when he saw you fighting to keep it together.  

‘You okay with this, doll?’ he purred as his fingers found the waistband of your jeans, but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of begging, of asking for it, not when he’d so obviously been doing all he could to piss you off up till now.  Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hoisting yourself up his long, lean body so you could lock your legs around his waist, the force propelling him backwards, so that he collapsed onto the bed, completely under your control.  

‘You’re an ass,’ you snarled, even as your fingers worked at the zip of his jacket, fumbling in your hurry to get it open.  ‘You’re cocky and you’re rude and you drive me completely fucking insane.’

‘Funny how it makes you want me though, isn’t it, sweetheart?  Nothing like a good argument to get the juices flowing.  Makes it all the sweeter when I get to lick ‘em all up.’  Within seconds, he’d rolled you, and you found yourself on your back beneath him as his lascivious grin brought a flush of heat to your cheeks.  ‘Sounds like you’ve had one hell of a day out there, so you just lay back and let me get all of that pesky frustration worked out for you, alright?’

‘But-’

He cut you off as he stole another stinging kiss.  ‘And if you could keep the talking to a minimum while I’m at it, it’ll be so much better for the both of us.’

 

* * *

 

That had been the first time.  The first of so many that you weren’t sure you could even keep count anymore.  You couldn’t remember the days when you’d been able to shower without being able to map Negan’s journey over your body by the trails of marks and bruises that he left behind.  He made it his mission now, you could tell.  He’d enter every conversation you had determined to goad you into an argument, taunting and manipulating until you had no choice but to lose your cool, and then he’d drag you off to where you could be alone and let you vent all of your anger on him as he pushed you over the edge into oblivion.

You hated him.  God, how you hated him.  He was everything you couldn’t stand about humanity: obsessed with power and control; quick to resort to violence when matters could almost always be resolved in a better way; and unbelievably petty as he tore you to shreds with his words.  But he was also heart-breakingly handsome, with a smile that could make your breath catch in your throat, and taut muscles that shifted and tensed as he moved above you.  He never hung around once the deed was done.  He’d crawl from the bed, ruffling your hair in a way that he knew would have you seething all over again, and shoot you a wink over his shoulder as he dressed and slipped out of the room.

It was a mess, a big, tangled one, and you frequently cursed yourself for getting into it, but you knew you had to end it.  Negan was a dangerous man, and though your rage and disdain were a game for him right now - one that you could both, to an extent, enjoy - at some point he’d tire of you speaking your mind and standing up to him, and that wouldn’t bode well for you.  He’d cut you down without a second thought, you were sure, and you’d end up either dead or scarred for life.  No, it wasn’t worth it, especially when it was getting harder to lie there alone each time he left, with his scent still hanging in the air.

So, this time when he rolled onto his side, your feverish skin shivering at the sudden chill his absence left, you laid a hand on his chest, turning to face him as he shot you a quizzical look.

'Shit, doll, you want another go?  You might have to give me a minute.’

‘Shut up.’  You swallowed hard, almost chickening out of what you were about to do, but the ache in your chest at the thought of him leaving only reinforced your certainty that this had to be the last time.  'We need to talk.’

'We were.  Actually, if I recall, you were biting my fucking head off about something.  Not sure I was paying enough attention to tell you what though.’

You bit back the retort that hovered on your lips.  It wasn’t the time.  'No, I mean about this.  About… whatever the hell we’re doing here.  It has to stop.’

Negan smirked.  ‘Sure, sweetheart.  Whatever you say.’

'I mean it, Negan.’  Your voice shook and you cursed yourself, though it creased his brow in a frown of concern as he realised just how serious you were.  'I can’t keep doing this.  The fighting and the… what comes after.  I need… I need some distance.’

A large hand reached out and smoothed the hair back from your face, as his eyes searched yours for answers.  ‘Where’s this coming from?’

'I just can’t do it anymore.’  You offered him a helpless shrug.  'I mean, it’s fun for you right now, I get that.  You wind me up and reap the rewards when I explode.  But nobody else in this place gets away with talking to you like I do, and one of these days it’s not gonna entertain you anymore.  It’s gonna make you mad, like, really mad, and you’re gonna punish me for it, and I- I can’t leave myself open to that.’

His face had fallen as you’d spilled out your worries, and now he recoiled as though you’d given in to your baser instincts and delivered the slap that he’d deserved so many times.  'You’re afraid of me?’

'Is there anyone here who isn’t?’

‘I know.  I know I’m a fucking asshole, okay?  It’s the only way to keep half these morons in line.  The second I show weakness, they start swinging their dicks around, and the whole thing becomes a damn power struggle that I don’t have time for.  But… you’re different, Y/N.  I thought you were fucking different.’

You shook your head, refusing to let his apparent disappointment shake your resolve.  'You only want me when you’re angry, Negan.  This isn't… It’s not a relationship.  It’s not even a fling.  It’s just… this.  And it’s kinda messed up.’

'Not a relationship.’  He repeated your words under his breath, before scoffing at the notion, falling back against the pillow with his hands over his face.  'Shit.  Goddamn.  You have no fucking clue do you.  You seriously have fucking idea how much I hate the fucking bones of you, sweetheart.’

That hurt.  It hurt more than you’d ever admit and you had to bite your bottom lip to stop the sob that was forcing it’s way up your throat from escaping, but Negan wasn’t done yet.

'You’re stubborn.  You refuse to follow simple fucking orders.  You call me out in front of my guys time and time again.  You’re a straight-up pain in my goddamn ass, and my life would be a million times easier if I kicked your ass to the kerb.’

'Negan-’

‘But there’s also a part of me, and granted it’s a small, tiny, minuscule little part, that’s so glutton for fucking punishment that I kinda love you too.’

His gaze searched your face hopefully, but all you could do was stare at him dumbfounded.  'I-I… You… What?’

'You heard me.  There’s something about you… I don’t know what it is, but I can’t fucking stay away from you.  So, I goad you into these dumb fucking fights because it’s the only way that you’ll let me touch you.  You think I want it like this?  You think I wouldn’t rather take my sweet time over things, show you exactly what a man like me is capable of?  But it doesn’t work that way.  We fight and we fuck, and that’s just what we do.  But don’t tell me you want to fucking walk away now because… I can’t let you do it.’

His confession was met by silence.  You’d squeezed your eyes shut as he spoke, trying to pretend that this wasn’t happening, that you were literally anywhere else, but your mind refused to give you that escape.  Your heart, traitor that it was, had skipped a beat as he’d poured his own out, and now every cell of your body was straining towards him, as though he had some kind of magnetic pull that you couldn’t resist.  

Did you love him?  You wanted him, you knew that.  You missed him when you went more than a day without catching sight of him in the halls, and your bed only felt like home when he was buried beneath the covers with you, warm and welcoming despite the forcefulness of his touch.  Could you be with him in the way that he wanted?  Could you really make it work with somebody who drove you so damn crazy?  

Gentle fingers caressed your cheek and you opened your eyes to find him leaning over you, his expression earnest.  He ducked his head to kiss you, but it was unlike any other kiss you’d ever shared, soft, tentative, and you drank it up like the sweetest nectar, sighing softly against his lips.

'You don’t have to say it back,’ he murmured.  ‘Just tell me you’re mine, that’s all I fucking want.  Just you and me, none of the bullshit.’

He kissed you again, lingering for longer this time and you realised that you really didn’t have a choice.  'Okay.’

'Yeah?’

'Yeah.  Let’s give it a go.’   

'Well, alright then.’  The grin that split his face was contagious and you found yourself beaming back at him, feeling ridiculously cheesy when, up till now, the idea of doing anything other than snapping barbed remarks at each other would have been unthinkable.  'You won’t regret it, doll, I promise.’

'I’m not gonna stop calling you out when you’re being an idiot though,’ you pointed out, drawing a deep chuckle from him as he let his head fall onto your shoulder, mouthing over the crook of your neck until you shivered in anticipation, but that didn’t silence you.  'I mean, somebody’s gotta do it, and don’t think just because you love me that I-’

He cut you off by kissing the words out of your mouth, rolling to cover your body with his own, though he was still smiling when he broke away.  'I ever tell you you drive me fucking crazy, sweetheart?’

'Maybe.  Once or twice.’


End file.
